


Was It Worth It?

by Entireoranges



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: 8.06 Episode Fix, And Jaime Has To Face Some Cold Hard Facts, Character Death Fix, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Does Westeros Have Purgatory, F/M, Gen, Has References To Cersei And Jaime, well it does now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 04:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,370
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19288183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entireoranges/pseuds/Entireoranges
Summary: Jaime is dead having gone to be his sister. He accepts this was his destiny and everything he did for her was worth it. Then a voice is there to guide him towards the knowledge that may not be the case. Jaime can also see through a mysterious window that can show him not only things of his past but also the future he left behind. What will he do with this knowledge?





	Was It Worth It?

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure...I am feeling very iffy about this. I like(d) the concept but I don't think I completely got across what I was trying for. Who knows maybe I did LOL. It's based primally in the TV verse canon however I did throw in a few Book verse. Also uses the prompt "And you can see your world slip through your fingers."

Jaime finds himself unable to move as he stares at what appears to be a window looking out to a green pasture of a clear blue day; he knows it's more then that, as his heart begins to pound.

"You died for her. Was she worth it?" A voice fills the room, it almost seems to becoming from within him. Before him the image flashes away to a black and slowly something new appears. Cersei and himself as children. Laughing, a sense of innocent portrayed in all their features. Jaime relaxes. He couldn't recall that memory but he could recall the joy it brought him, a joy he held onto for all his days. Only Cersei could ever do that. She was made for him, he for her. Yes anything for her was worth it. 

Without permission the scene is removed as another replaces it. Of this Jaime remembers. Him and her together in the throws of passion, he knows that was the day they went from two souls to three. He knew then and knows now that shame should have filled him. It never does. That view from the window lasts a even shorter period of time before its gone. More follow that Jaime knew, he was apart of; going by at almost rapid speed. Was she worth it? Yes.

"I've seen enough!" He calls out. Green pasture and the blue sky returns.

"You have yet to see the truth. You only knew the Cersei she selected and allowed you to see. You have blinded yourself to anything else."

"I don't care."

"You have died for her. You need to understand what you did." Gone is the neutral image and back to Cersei, without him this time. She again is young, not as young as the first time, but perhaps ten? She is by a their old friend Melara whom vanished and presumed died years ago. Jaime gasps as he watches his sister violently push her down a well, a sinister smile on her face. 

Next is her looking down at two small babes, twins? He knows not these children, she seems to though. She picks up one of the children cradling it softly in her arms and without a word and even an expression of joy she twists its head snapping its neck. She drops the now deceased child on the ground, walks to the other, to his relief the window becomes black again.

"She killed those she preseved to be a threat."

"She had to do what needed to be done." Jaime's voice is weak, still shaken by the last image. He had heard of this rumor, her killing some of Robert's bastard. But this? Like that? 

"You say and you believe she was faithful to yo..."

"I know she was not. I understand why though. They meant nothing to her." Jaime interjects. He did know that of Cersei shared her bed and self with others, but he had shared himself with someone else as well. How could he judge an act he too was guilty of? The voice gives a low almost bitter laugh.

"You think it was only a few times. You want to believe they meant nothing. Face the truth Jaime. Understand what she really was!" Rapid session of images return in which Jaime can barely understand what's in front of him, but sees enough to comprehend. Cersei in bed with an unknown man. Cersei on her knees taking in a man's cock. Her screaming with pleasure as taken from behind. More and more, he can't even attempt to count. Of the guys involved he knows a few, most though strangers to him.

"Stop it!" Jaime cries out.

"You died for her." It comes out as a fact.

"She...had her reasons." He tries to justify what he had seen, attempts to push away the anger flooding through him. 

"Her actions and selfishness caused the deaths of..."

"Don't say it." Jaime begs.

"Your children. It's a truth you can't deny."

"I don't want to see. Please." He begs, praying to the Gods he could close his eyes and the window stays on the green pasture and nothing else. To his relieve his desire is fulfilled.

"You gave up everything for her. While she did nothing but take from you. Now do you understand the truth? Was it worth it?!"  
Jaime lowers his head, shaking it slowly.

"Sevens what have I done?" He questions to himself.

"Now look at what could have been. What you would of had if you possessed the intelligence to have opened your eyes." Before he can react, even though he knew there was no point. Before him now through the window is himself and Brienne. The gray in his hairs have increased, yet he seems younger. He has his arm around her waist pulling her into him, her eyes looking down, both smiling. He himself lowers his eyes to try to look at what she is seeing. Another gasp falls away from him.\\. A baby. 

"I..."

"There is more." Jaime stands in disbelief as what he assumes to be the future that could have been flashes by. One child. A second joins. Then the family becomes an unit of five. Jaime laughs as the next time he sees the growing crew there are twins.

"Of course." He mutters.

"Seven in all." The voice informs him.

"Seven? Seven children? I only saw five..."

"I never claimed every moment of your future was perfect. No one is allowed that. But it would have been damn close." 

"I took that from her. Gods she looked so happy."

"You stole that from yourself. And the world. The influence and changes created by the actions and pure hearts of some of those children as they grew.' the voice seizes for a moment 'would have changed the whole of the world in ways you can never understand."

"I didn't know. I thought Cersei was worth it. I believed she was my soul mate. I was..."

"You were a fool Jaime. I ask you once more; was it worth it?"

"I already told you it wasn't! I made a mistake! Gods I made a mistake!" He begins to sob in a fashion he had not done since his mother had left his life.

"Do you want to fix it?" Asks the voice in a more gentle timbre.

"What? I can fix it?" Jaime repeats almost in disbelief.

"Aye. I can bring you back. Back to the earth and return life to you. But that future is not guaranteed. You have to work for it. There will be pain and heartache."

"I don't care! If she is by my side and she'll have me. Yes please. Let me go back to her!" He pleads.

"Very well. Just so you know very few are given this chance do not squander it Jaime."

"Why me?"

"Because some men are worth it. And the future is worth saving." Before Jaime can ask or even say anything else he feels himself being yanked backwards, the window becoming smaller and smaller until it no longer exists. Then it felt all the world as if he had fallen from atop his horse, landing hard to the ground, his chest on fire, struggling to catch his breath.

"Are you alright?" He opens his eyes that he had been aware that had become shut. Winterfell. Her chambers. Which had quickly and rather unoffically become their chambers. This is where he sat for nearly an hour weighing his options of what to do about and for Cersei, where he ran like a damned fool breaking the heart of the one whom laid in the bed. He hears her shuffle into a sitting position. He turns towards her, his eyes spilling over with tears.

"I'm so sorry."

"Jaime! What's wrong?!" Her tenderness and compassion for him...Cersei she could never...

"I was a fool Brienne. I thought I was destined to be just like her. I helped carve her partially into the person she has become. My sins.' He pause taking a shaking breath 'my sins and things I've done for my sister or because of her I can never erase from my soul. And now she's out there. A monster. But alone..."

"Jaime?" There is a fear in the word.

"I wanted to go with her. I do deserve whatever happ..."

"You don't. You're not your sister."

"I know Brienne. I know. I want a new beginning. I want to live with you. Not to die for her. She had her chances." Brienne has crawled out from the bed and sits next to him squeezing his thigh.

"You are a good and worthy man Jaime."

"Am I worthy of you?"

"More then you'll ever understand. I love you." In the time erased for him she had said the same and it had almost pulled him back, almost stopped him running. Jaime lifts his head, eyes wide once more. The idea he nearly left her with that memory burnt into her soul especially when she was so well guarded and protective of her heart, even after they had begun to lie together she struggled with it. To hear her now actually say the words in environment worthy of them both? This is a love pure and true.

"Took you long enough wench." He teases realizing his silence may have elapsed for too long.

"Go piss off." They hold each other's glace in a silent battle of will before erupting into a fit giggles.

"I love you too. I was wondering...' Jaime shifts on the bench. 'if you'd be interested in..."

"Spit it out already!"

"Will you marry me?' Her reply doesn't come verbally rather as a kiss, hard and forceful. 'So you need time to think about it?" 

"Gods best be prepared because I'm gonna kill you."

"They already had me. But they sent me back...to you." Brienne pulls away eyebrows raised.

"Jaime? What are you talki...."

"Don't worry about it." He returns his lips to hers. It doesn't take long for them to return to the comfort of the bed to do almost everything but sleep. 

They married the day after Sansa became the Queen of the North. There were conversations, sometimes forming into temporary arguments on what the future held. Stay in the North as Brienne continued to serve a Stark girl as she promised all those years ago? A place in which Jaime had no role and little respect from those whom called it home; not as if he could place blame on them. The Lannister's had been pretty much sacks of shits. Do they go to Kingslanding, help rebuild the destruction and assist a new King find his way? The memories of everything lost and of the decision that once had been made; he couldn't face it. Then it was decided a fresh start was needed, at least a fresh start for him and they made a home on Tarth.

The years passed by and Jaime kept his promise of never squandering this chance. With each child born to them he knew what they represented and only hoped his influence shaped them in the ways promised. As they did grieve when the Gods took two of their babes from them; the second born minutes after her birth and their sixth child couldn't fight the fever and sickness that his siblings were able to when at four years. Even with the pain and feeling his heart ripped into tiny pieces, he still was thankful for every day.

"It was worth it." Jaime says softly barely above a whisper.

"What my love?" Brienne asks leaning in.

"I once gave up everything. I literally died..."

"What is father on about?" He smiles at the inquiry.

"It's just the sickness talking." After all these years though Brienne never asked for details when he'd bring up these references; she always suspected something had occurred.

"It matters not anymore. Only this does. Only you guys." He coughs violently, his chest feeling heavy.

"Oh father!" Their oldest always wore the badge of being equally the most headstrong and sensitive leans forward as she grips his hand trying not to cry. Jaime closes his eyes, having becoming too heavy to keep open. Brienne lets go of a strangled sob. Gods he wants to hold her one last time.

"Shush mother. Shush." She was now in the care of the children. Grown, almost all married, save for one whom joined the Kingsguard. Gods how did I get so lucky? A tiny smile crosses over him. The tightness in his chest is overwhelming, but he's at peace. And just like that he's gone from world once more.

The window is there, with the green pasture and blue skies. He laughs, a younger mans laugh, the tiredness in his bones, the weakness in his muscles all but gone. This view from this window was the same one that greeted him for forty three years from the balcony of his and Brienne's room. He never made the connection before, perhaps the Gods arranged it that way?

"You did good Jaime. Your legacy is worthy to remember for years and years." The voice speaks gently.

"Brienne? When will I....?"

"Not for awhile. She'll struggle for awhile but..."

"She'll be fine. They all will. If you can tell her to take her time. I'm not going anywhere." From behind him Jaime hears a door open and unlike last time in this place he can move and even though not told one way or another he walks slowly towards it and through it. The same pasture from the window, people milling around, he just stares, trying to understand. Then he notices his mom, holding hands with his second to youngest, he hears a shout from a voice that could only belong to Tommen. Ghosts and memories from his life, those he loved, cared for, and those whom cared for him long before his birth. So many souls. He searches for a moment for her, for Cersei...

"She wasn't allowed into this place." He turns to Myrcella.

"I..."

"Not everyone was worthy. You almost weren't. But I'm glad you found your way to us."

"Me too. Gods me too."

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what exactly their children did to help change the world, but they are Lannister/Tarth offsprings so you know it had to be amazing! Again I hope it wasn't too out there...


End file.
